Two Years Post Benzos

After a very long healing journey, I began to emerge back into life from my dazed and hazed benzo/Lunesta withdrawal.  I was even more in disbelief that I continued to have symptoms now that this much time had passed.  I was also shocked at the number of other people who were being affected by these drugs, and who continued to contact me through my You Tube Channel and this website.  It appeared that the number of people kept increasing, as if we hadn't even hit critical mass with this problem as of yet.

I already had some idea how this was impacting our disability system, but as I continued to get emails of more and more people that were applying  for benefits due to the drug withdrawal, I could see this was becoming a bigger problem than I even realized.  I never imagined that there were already so many people getting disability because of the painful side effects that had rendered them incapable of working and participating in life to any degree.  Yet, the media continues to prioritize the opioid crisis, and continued reports were from people who were telling me the same story about how doctors were just writing them off with mental health issues.  This at the very least is terrifying to me as we are demonizing the people who are suffering and need serious help.

The other troubling issues were the number of shootings and suicides that continued to present themselves in the media at an epidemic rate.  These events also began to make me painfully aware that we had an even deeper problem that was part of an even greater social issue.  We aren't loving or nurturing each other.  We're cut off, distracted by too much technology and addicted to too much material stuff.  We're spinning so fast, that we are having to medicate to keep going, and we never have the time to stop and see the real problems we are facing.  I think that is one of the biggest things I got from benzo withdrawal, that I actually had to bring my life to a screeching halt to stop the momentum of this downward spiral we are all headed for.  My estimation is that it won't be pretty when enough of us have to crash and burn in order to get the message that we're being given from all of these harsh events that our happening in our world right now.

The main thing I keep seeing, is that because people are fearful about being powerless to the events happening in the world, the stay focused on the problems which only seems to amplify how much bigger the problem appears.  It seems like we aren't in touch with our own power enough the realize the immense impact we could have if just slowed down long enough to see how we could be more effective in our own lives, and therefore how we could have more impact on the change we would like to see in the world around us.  Benzos really taught me how to stay focused on the solution because the symptoms would always expand if I spent too much time with my attention on them.

As I look back at my healing process, I can see how I gradually moved myself from being a victim of this horrible ordeal, to an empowered and solution based individual.  I created this non-profit, got back into my writing and recording, created a healing program and a new children's music app designed to empower children so we could reduce the amount of drugs being needed by them.  It  disturbs me how these drugs might all be effecting our children over time and what it will do to their future.  If  many of these drugs can cause the brain chemistry challenges that many of these existing people are experiencing, what are the potential changes and impact to the children and their ability to have children?   Especially when they are being given drugs in their developmental years.  We still just don't know how the long term effect of these drugs may impact any of them over time.  I am not seeing that these drugs have been studied nearly long enough for us to realize what damages they can do.

My biggest suggestion for all of you who are still struggling with the challenges of benzo withdrawal, is to find one thing that you love to do and focus on it.  It doesn't mater how small you think that might be, if you love it, put every ounce of energy into it that you can muster.  Keep watering it every day and that's what will grow.  Your healing will come in time because of it, and you will be amazed at how your life will change.  If you stop and really listen, you will see what this lesson is teaching all of us about our incredible need to look outside ourselves for someone or something else to fill us up or give us all of the answers to our situations in life.  I found that I needed less and less to seek other peoples opinions about my life, and more and more that when I stopped and allowed myself to really feel what I wanted or needed, that I could hear the answers being reflected back to me in simple solutions that would just appear for me with less effort.  

As technology has emerged, so has our inability to be in touch with the true rhythm of life in nature and in our day to day simple routines that can tell us if we really feel good about doing something or not.  If we are just going through the motion because that's what we are told we should do, we're usually going to feel some kind of inner discomfort, but we haven't been taught to listen to that inner voice.  All of the negative programming we get from people around us that are plugged into the same rat wheel of life, only succeeds in dragging us further into that reality when we really are free to create our own dreams, even if we might not believe it at first.  

I know that many of the survivors of benzo withdrawal have shared a kind of spiritual awakening that happened to them as a result of the painful events that had fallen on them because of the impact the drugs had.  I know I did, and I question if this is not some part a larger grand plan to move us all out of this dark, heavy social structure we have all bought into, and to bring us more into alignment with each other and something much greater than ourselves.  I think as time passes, many benzo recovery patients will discover what a blessing it has been to be removed from all of the noise in the world for awhile, and realize that the noise is what put us on the drugs in the first place.